Ultreia: Making pilgrimage to Santiago de Compostela

There are a few moments in a man’s life that are truly capable of changing him in the depths of his being. Whether through pain or peace, sadness or joy. For a photographer like me, the feelings that arise over the years gradually become part of my photographic language.

The moment I am documenting here is my younger brother’s death

On February 9, 2020, my brother, Pedro Henrique, passed away while battling cancer. He was only 13 years old. At first, I felt that I had lost all my motivation as a photographer and individual. It was impossible to ignore the pain of losing someone I loved and live pretending everything was fine.

It may seem like an exaggeration, but it was photography that made me appreciate life again. As soon as the Covid-19 pandemic started, I took an old analog camera that I had, and decided to start documenting those ordinary moments isolated at home. I did this without having any big goals in mind; I was just trying to reconnect with the people and environment around me. Slowly, photography became part of my experience of mourning and healing, and it taught me to always put true feelings in everything I do.

Since losing my brother, my parents and I wanted to accomplish an important expedition in honor of him. In 2022, we made the pilgrimage along the Camino de Santiago de Compostela in Spain. Over 30 days, we covered almost 800km on foot, heading to the cathedral which houses the tomb of the Apostle James. We walked, we prayed, and met incredible people. I consider it one of the greatest healing and faith experiences of my life.

I documented our entire journey with a Pentax Spotmatic F, a Super Takumar 35mm f/3.5 lens and 30 rolls of color and black and white film. I knew I would run out of words to describe certain moments and scenes, so I photographed them.

I took my brother, my best friend, my adventure companion, to enjoy the forests, mountains, rivers, plains and colorful skies. All through my eyes. During all those days, I was never alone, because he was by my side. I lived every moment of this pilgrimage for both of us.

I loaded several film stocks into my camera: Kodak Colorplus 200, Gold 200, Ultramax 400 and Portra 400, ILFORD HP5 PLUS, ILFORD FP4 PLUS 125 and AGFA APX 400. Most of the time, I shot at each film’s nominal ISO, but whenever necessary, I pulled and pushed certain rolls depending on the region, climate, light, and feelings I was recording.

I can easily say that having a camera in my hand made me feel even more involved with what was going on around me. Fortunately, I had the pleasure of contemplating and photographing so many memorable landscapes and scenes. Whether it was while walking through the woods, inside an old church, or even resting in albergues, I always felt something guiding my camera. I photographed everything that seemed to deserve my attention.

I knew I would never forget the strange feeling of walking all day on the never-ending road. On the one hand, it was exhausting, but on the other, it was freeing. The truth is, day after day, I experienced a huge mix of thoughts and feelings going through my head. And that just makes it even more meaningful to me. It was necessary to really want to be there.

The entire trip was accompanied by a lot of enthusiasm and willingness, but inevitably, grief and pain were always by our side. No matter how much time passes, longing will always occupy a suffocating space in the chest. We give thanks for life but also allow ourselves to feel what we need to feel.

Many people — including friends — will never understand why we took this pilgrimage as a mission to be accomplished. One month, walking almost 25km a day, sharing a room at various albergues’ almost 9,000km from from — it really wasn’t just any trip.

I could say that our purpose was to simply visit the tomb of the Apostle James, or that we just wanted to spend some time disconnected from everyday life. But that would not be true. Placing this pilgrimage as a simple tribute to my brother is not enough either. It goes beyond that.

I can easily say that having a camera in my hand made me feel even more involved with what was going on around me […] I always felt something guiding my camera. I photographed everything that seemed to deserve my attention.

While playing a grieving cowboy, Sam Elliott once said that when you love somebody, an exchange of souls takes place. They get a piece of yours; you get a piece of theirs. But when your love dies, a little piece of you dies too. That’s why it hurts so bad… Thankfully, that little piece of them is still inside of us. So, they can use our eyes to see the world.

That’s what I did. I took my brother, my best friend, my adventure companion, to enjoy the forests, mountains, rivers, plains and colorful skies. All through my eyes. During all those days, I was never alone, because he was by my side. I lived every moment of this pilgrimage for both of us.

My photos are not supposed to be artistic or outlandish… I simply recorded everything that made me feel my brother’s presence in my heart. I wasn’t looking for beauty, but authenticity. Regardless of the setting, I like my photos to say something. It doesn’t have to be anything complex or philosophical, it can just be “hey, look, I like that”. I really don’t expect people to look at my work and think there’s something lush behind it. My photos are what they are. Records. Memoirs. A piece of me.

Just as I would in my pilgrim days, today I say Ultreia. It means “forward”, “let’s move on”, or even “hallelujah”. Completing the journey along the Camino de Santiago de Compostela does not mean that the problems in my life will end. Not even the pain of loss will go away. The journey does not end here, but there is a new chapter starting. Life must go on with even more love and meaning.

Soon, this photography project will become my first photobook and a great exhibition: Santiago de Compostela es el principio, no el final.

All my photos were developed and scanned in partnership with LabLab Analógico, one of the most important film labs in Latin America. I have enormous respect and admiration for their team. A huge and special thank you to Mariana Guerra, Vitor Leite, Maria Mion, and Alessa Berti.

Thank you for reading,

~ Gabriel