Hallo again, it’s Barry with your film photography horoscopes for June. I’ve been busy with classes and updating my accreditations this month. I have also purchased a few more books to help me express my astro-ological muses. Hope you think the money was worth it.
~ Bazza
Cancer
Gemininians aren’t the only people kicking up a stink this month. Yes, I’m talking about you, Mr or Mrs Crab. This month requires you get into the darkroom and develop that film in the back of your fridge. Reducing that backlog will help clear up the rest of your year, so do it now or be drowned in unfinished jobs for the rest of the year. You have been warned.
Sort yourself out and while you’re at it, check your fixer. You’re running low.
This month’s lucky pasta is strozzapreti and your lucky t-shirt has a 50% wool, 25% cotton and 37% polyester mix.
Leo
Those stickers you bought last month will be invaluable in patching the zodiac a good friend will lend you later this month. What’s that you say? You didn’t buy them? Well, good luck not drowning this month.
If you somehow manage to survive this month’s inevitable water sports and actually take some photos, you’ll be blessed with perfectly exposed slide film. Take out black and white film however, and you’ll conveniently screw up your meter settings and overexpose your film by thirteen stops.
You should have bought those stickers…
This month’s lucky sticker needs licking before application and your lucky chocolate bar is an expired pack of Opal Fruits (made to make your mouth water).
Virgo
The greatest gift is the one you give to yourself. This is more a damning indictment of the terrible quality of birthday gifts you can expect later this year rather than some self-worth nonsense. A fragrant wind over Alpha Centauri points to you pinching the money your partner’s been saving for that operation they need and just treating yourself. Go on, its worth it.
Steve is a power name for a cat, and 59318354 is your lucky serial number.
Libra
How were your lucky sevens last month? Do let me know.
A convulsing perineum in June means that no matter how unsubtle your hint dropping has been for the last three months, you won’t be getting the camera you’ve been eyeing up.
You might get a goldfish, though. Just be sure to attend every single fair, fete and travelling circus you can before the month’s out.
Your lucky hoopla pin is the one that’s slightly bent to the left and a stranger smelling of fried onions brings the promise of culinary ecstasy.
Scorpio
You will feel a rare bout of pure positive energy this month and should funnel it into interesting and exciting plans. Sadly, by the time you’ve made all those plans, you’ll be pretty much burnt out. Sorry.
All is not lost however as you will put those plans aside in favour of burning through a 24 exposure roll of Kodak Gold taking pictures of park benches, your dog/cat/child (delete as applicable), and ultimately of yourself in the mirror.
Vase is the word you’ll embarrassingly miss-pronounce this month, and it should be remembered that hegemony is not the same as hedge money.
Sagittarius
A brief encounter with a curious crow may lead to the discovery of a new wonder drug you’ll catchily call “NZT”. Dosage won’t need to be tweaked too much but you’ll handle it. Try to stay away from Russian loan sharks, shady private security and Robert De Niro.
Succulents will bring you joy this month, as will your lucky hat (a sombrero). Your lucky number is pi to 42 decimal places.
Capricorn
If a photographer takes a picture of a tree and makes a darkroom print of it, does anyone care? June is a month for self-reflection, quiet thought, a slow slide into utter apathy and asking stupid questions. Questions like, “where did Spring go?”
You had so many plans. You even bought a load of IR film to capture all the fresh green foliage, and now it’s bloody Summer. There’s nothing for it, it’s time to buy a load of 50 ISO film you’ll forget about until October.
The Scent of a Woman is your lucky film, but the actual scent of a woman could mean death or even injury.
Aquarius
Experimentation is the name of game this month, hot flushes to Jupiters Libido are a positive indication that the crazier the idea, the higher the chance of either a creative revelation …or life-changing injury. Stay clear of shrubs and all should be ok.
Getting your feet wet in public will increase your chance of being ridiculed by a child but will also help soften your soles for some much needed long walks in the countryside. Taking the smallest format camera with you will in no way help you capture the most amazing photograph of your life.
Your lucky fish is a Garra Rufa and this month’s lucky fruit is a small hard mango.
Pisces
All that work you put in last month might be for nought if you don’t steer clear of the rabid, mage-bitten dog stalking you on the way home from your local film lab. Take the bus and keep a sausage in your pocket in case of emergency.
This month will see you slipping into a new style of photography just as easily at that Takeshi guy slips into a new skin. Allow the creative possibilities to wash over you without fear and you may find a new artistic outlet.
This month’s lucky camera is something with a green lens coating and your lucky camera flocking material has a Spongebob Squarepants print.
Aries
I was needlessly abrupt to Arieonians last month and I apologize. EM had said some things which got my back up. I’ve tried to make up for it this month.
June sees renewed creative vigour in the form of a set of obscure special effects filters, or a new-to-you diopter. I can’t quite be certain but it has something to do with glass. You may also find yourself struggling with a new project which may or may not involve sherry. Port is also on the agenda but not the drink, more the water kind. Don’t be like Leo and remember to pack a sticker or two.
This month’s lucky sword is the Buster Sword and your lucky model pain is Tamiya’s X-32 Silver Titanium. Perfect for touching up that Gontax G1 you’ll be getting in a few months.
Taurus
They say the Moon is made of cheese, but this is not an actual fact. This month however, thanks to a cosmic wobble from Venus, it will feel like your camera is made of cheese. In short, most of your shots will stink.
How you handle the third trimester of Pluto waxing will govern whether your pictures ripen like a fine Brie, or fester like a 6 month old tub of Philadelphia.
Your lucky biscuit is a Ginger Snap, and your lucky number is the number of hops you can do on your left leg (in heels).
Gemini
They say the Moon is made of cheese, but this is not an actual fact. This month however, thanks to a cosmic flutter from Venus, it will feel like your camera is made of cheese. In short, most of your shots will stink.
How you handle the third trimester of Pluto waxing will govern whether your pictures ripen like a fine Brie, or fester like a 6 month old tub of Philadelphia (with chives).
Your lucky biscuit is a Ginger Snap, and your lucky number is the number of hops you can do on your left leg (in heels).
Looking forward to your feedback, everyone. Have fun in May.
~ Barry “Stardust” Gibb
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One response to “June 2018 film photography horoscope – ‘mystic’ help to better photography”
I’m a Taurus so you should know that I want my very own curated, artisanal, bespoke, totally accurate and impossible to disprove horoscope, not a cheesy, recycled Gemini, unless that’s some kind of twin joke.